Cars & Trucks & Fence Posts

Here are some little things we've been laughing about on the ranch this week...

On shipping day, after "lunch" which we actually ate around dinner time, I couldn't find Number One's new mini truck he got for the farm work. It's cute and small, and the steering wheel is on the wrong side of it, which means the stick shift is on the left, takes some getting used to. I needed it to take the leftovers from CG's house to our house, and it was already dark. Ranch hand told me it was parked over under a tree. I found it, even found the headlights in the dark, and drove it over near the door. Ranch hand said, "It's a weird little thing, it took me 10 minutes to find reverse!"

I said, "You mean where the 'R' is on the stick???"

So last night I was telling this story to our friend from ABEG, who came down to help with the branding and stayed the night in our new guest room. She laughed and admitted that she had also had trouble in the Dodge...Ranch hand was telling her to go somewhere and do something, and she said, "Well I would if I could find reverse!" (truthfully, there is a little trick to shifting the dodge into reverse, it's been a while since I've done it, but there is a button or some catch to it)

Last night, we all had some wine at CG's house after a big day of branding with our crew and a few ABEG greenhorns. (they call themselves that, so I'll take the liberty to repeat it) Before we left, CG insisted on a shot of tequila all around. (Ick). So then we were walking from CG's house to our house, three ABEG's and me, and it was very dark and we didn't have a flashlight and the moon hadn't risen above the canyon rim yet.

The ABEG's were trying to follow me (and I'm pretty sure I was wearing black), and they asked how they would find their way. I said, "Just feel your feet in the gravel. If they're not in gravel, stop and reorient." No sooner had I said "reorient" (it could have been less eloquently stated, but I'm telling the story here), than I ran right into a fence post. And then, disoriented at I was, I thought I was on the right side of the driveway, you know, where the fence is. I was actually on the left side of the driveway, you know, the side where there are, in fact, ONLY TWO OLD FENCEPOSTS. So as I was stumbling around, tripping over a piece of wire and running into the other fence post, going, "where am I?" and I'm sure everyone was laughing at me, I said, "Don't follow me!"

And then. Before the three ABEG guys headed for their hotel in town (lucky ABEG girl got to stay with us, remember), Number One's brother had drawn a map for them and asked them to pick up his truck at the repair shop and drive it back down in the morning. "The keys are in it," he told them.

Evidently, the guys decided that they had better pick the truck up that night, rather than in the morning. I'm not sure why, since there was only one mildly designated driver and the directions Bro and I gave them were "turn left at the jail." The truck wouldn't start, so they were trying to jump it, and in the middle of it all, the keys, which were in the truck to start with, got locked IN the truck. Sheesh.

So now ABEG girl has to go to town with me to pick up H-Bomb from school AND Bro's truck. She said, "that's another thing you can write about in your book." And I thought, why wait? Practically everyone is implicated in this story, so no one is singled out now! (no whining from anybody!)

I hope the ABEG's spend the night again tonight, and I'll have more stories for you tomorrow!

Our Temporary Abode

On Friday, we got some amazing news, which is sorely needed in light of recent events: ABEG said that they were ready to move ahead and complete our addition, starting in February! This is the news we have been waiting for, it seems like forever! Since completing the addition involves tearing out two former exterior walls, one interior wall, installing beams in the ceiling and removing the entire old kitchen, we really won't be able to live here.

Luckily, we have the bunkhouse. It is unoccupied at present, and right next door to our house, so we will just transfer the necessities over there for as long as it takes. I have no idea what the time frame for the interior of our addition will be, but I'm really hoping to be back in our house, with a brand new kitchen and master suite, by Thanksgiving. I feel like that is more than enough time to get everything done, don't you? (I'm so excited I want to start planning the Housewarming Party!)


I knew you'd like to see where we'll be, so here's a little tour. We spent most of today cleaning, removing old dishes and things that previous tenants have left, and cleaning some more. I moved in some kitchen things (not many yet), and we will continue moving things in the days to come. Although the bunkhouse is technically smaller than our current space, and has only three rooms (plus a small bathroom, no tub), it feels larger than our current space because those three rooms are BIG. I'd be curious to compare square footage for reals. But, I don't feel like doing any math or measuring, and I really believe the bunkhouse IS smaller, just feels bigger.

So for now, here it is. This is a view of the kitchen, looking toward one end of the house.


Below is the other end of the kitchen. Our portable dishwasher will take up residence next to the stove there. Unfortunately our refrigerator is stuck in the house until the sliding door comes out (we had to tear up some wood floor to get the darn thing IN the house in the first place--not pretty!)


And yet another view of the kitchen, looking down the hallway (and yes, that is another door to the outside, technically the "front" door).


This is a view of the middle bedroom, through which you have to walk to get to the back bedroom. This is where we'll put H-Bomb's bed (the lower bunk only) as well as our couch(es) (space permitting) and perhaps a television. We'll see. On the right, the ONLY closet in the entire bunkhouse.



And below is the bedroom, on the opposite end of the house from the kitchen. There are doors to the outside from each room, so many that this house has about four doors. (there are two doors in the kitchen). I'm not sure about the logic of this, that's just the way it is.


And this is a view of the back bedroom (which will be the master bedroom), from the door to the outside. The other bedroom/living room is directly through the door you see in the picture. The rooms are huge, which you'll be able to tell when I post a picture of our king size bed, which will actually FIT in this room, with plenty of room to spare! Can't wait for that.


As you can see, it is a very cozy space, that seems pretty big. We'll see after we get our furniture in there, and I will let you see the "after" shots as well. We love the rustic look, all the wood, even though the walls are rough and the floors need refinishing...we may talk to our contractor about leaving exposed trusses in the addition, instead of a nine-foot ceiling. So much to consider.

I guess I forgot to take a picture of the bathroom, which is also outfitted for a washer/dryer. We aren't doing anything to our laundry room in the remodel, so we're leaving our washer and dryer where they are, I'll just have to lug laundry back and forth. Luckily the bunkhouse is about 10 feet away from our house. Okay, maybe 15 feet. Someday I'll measure. And maybe someday I'll take a picture of the bunkhouse bathroom. We'll see.

The State of the Ranch: Good and Bad

If I sat down and listed every single thing that is currently wrong with our house, I believe I would lose my mind, so I’ll just list a few. To give you an idea. I haven’t blogged in a while, so please bear with me. Or skim through, whatever. There a couple good things in here too. (Trust me, there really are!)

We are still, apparently, waiting on a bid from the contractor to complete our addition. We were prepared to wait, but MONTHS AGO when ABEG said to “Go Ahead” we got excited. For nothing. So now we are somewhat frustrated about the lack of progress.

The new front door the contractor installed during Phase I, but did not finish on the inside, you remember, the one that fell off the hinges a couple days later? Or maybe I was so mad about that one I didn’t even tell you. Anyway, now it doesn’t close unless you lift up on the handle. Hard. And if you want to lock the deadbolt? Forgetaboutit. You have to not only lift up the door but align the deadbolt with the hole, and then the doorknob thingie doesn’t line up. Whee. Also, even if the door is closed, you can kick it open. I tried it the other day when Sawed Off accidentally locked me out. It’s good for relieving aggression, but not so good when you’re thinking about being home by yourself. Deadbolt it is. I’ll have to add it to Number One’s list.

Our siding is not yet completed. We were waiting for the satellite internet dude to make it over here, and he finally did over the weekend. Now we can have someone finish installing the siding and seal it all before the snow flies! I am so glad I pushed to have the old chinking removed and the logs resealed before the siding went on—there was a significant, noticeable reduction in the number of elm beetles in our house!

Also, we currently have only half of our electricity. Meaning, half of the breakers in our breaker box don’t work. Luckily it is the inconsequential half, if you don’t count the bathroom light fixture. The theory is that there is a break in the line, somewhere underground, and we have yet to find it. Some of the wires from the generator may be shorted out underground, which would theoretically explain why we only have partial power. It’s just a theory.

Right now we have no power/lights in our bathroom, no power in the hall outlets (but thankfully at least one light in the hallway), no power/lights in H-Bomb’s room, no power/lights in the playroom, only half power (no lights) in the living room (thank goodness it didn’t affect the television!) I haven’t checked all the outlets, or the lights in the garage, but thankfully none of our appliances (2 fridges + 1 freezer) were affected.

Many of the other buildings are affected as well, the bunkhouse has untold fixtures/outlets that aren’t working; RanchHand and Wifey were running extension cords to their fridge and microwave; there is power out in the barn and some outbuildings. CG’s house seems to be unaffected, but she is on a different underground line from the rest of us.

CG’s brothers were here, trying to fix the electrical line, but they didn’t have the right equipment or couldn’t find the problem or possibly both. Who knows how long this will go on before CG breaks down and hires an electrician?

Her brothers did temporarily fix RanchHand and Wifey’s electricity by rewiring their breakers. When I found out about this, quite by accident, I was upset that the same service was not offered to us. We are running an extension cord from the kitchen (nearest working outlet) to the bathroom for a small lamp on the counter, near the sink—not exactly a kid-friendly setup! I spoke my mind this past weekend, and when I overheard one of the brothers discussing the situation with CG, “it could be another two weeks…” and she said “Oh, that’s FINE” without a second thought, I could not contain myself. I explained our bathroom situation, and asked that our breakers be rewired also. Brother was supposed to come down in the morning to address it.

The next morning, Brother did come down. And when he suggested re-wiring the entire breaker box, so we’d have all our power back, I asked what the risks might be. He said the box could get “hot” or the breakers could trip. I spoke with Number One, and we decided to just live with it. Brother said rewiring wouldn’t be too difficult, and we’d put the wires back in place it when the whole line is fixed, but with us not being here, we just said forget it.

I think I was just upset on principal, anyway. It’s not like we aren’t managing, and by now we’re so used to having things going wrong in our house On A Daily Basis that, a lamp in the bathroom? An extension cord running down the hall? Not a big deal. But the fact that someone else got their power “fixed” and we weren’t even offered or considered for the same deal? That’s enough to make this cowgirl fume.

It doesn't help much that Number One is constantly on the mountain these days, and we miss him. The other day when Sawed Off said, “Wan go moun wit you, Dada” (translation: Want to go to the mountain with you, Dada). Number One was getting choked up. He misses us too. Soon the fall gather will be complete and he will be here with us, and maybe even be able to come to town with us too.

H-Bomb has been playing and loving soccer, he has even kicked the ball a few times in the games. That’s all he needs to get excited! “Mommy! I kicked the ball THREE TIMES tonight!” Number One has only missed one game (he’s been doing a lot of driving to come down for the games: a two- or three-hour drive from the mountain plus almost an hour to town, and back).

H-Bomb is so proud whenever anyone comes to see his games. A couple weeks ago, he had even more spectators: his Grandpa and our famous cartoonist friend from France, Jean-Claude Mezieres. Grandpa drove Jean-Claude down from the airport, and Grandpa stayed the night at the town house. Jean-Claude is staying at the ranch, in our camper, for a month, I will post more about him next. We love Jean-Claude. We are going to visit him in Paris and at his country house. Very soon.

I have been canning pear and apple jams and butters (in my spare time!) and am getting ready to move on to salsa. It is almost time to harvest all the tomatoes—green and all—before the frost comes. I need to get busy. I made just one pear pie (…sniff…) before the pears got too ripe…I wanted to try freezing the pies, but I just didn’t have time.

I also have a list a mile long of things to do in and around the house, which may or may not get done. The leaves have mostly turned on the mountain, making our drive home spectacular. Except for when a deer ran out and struck our van in the side the other day. I’m not even kidding. We need to get the van fixed now too!

Some days H-Bomb says he wants to be a skeleton for Halloween, which would make my job a heck of a lot easier, because that’s what he was last year. I think we’ll turn it into a Pirate Skeleton, just accessorize the skeleton costume to make it more exciting. I think he’ll go for it. Because I sure don’t want to have to throw together a Tyrannosaurus Rex costume (his first request) at the last minute!

Oh, and Woody, the male goat, STINKS. He literally exudes some kind of male goat stench. It makes a person gag. Jessie does not seem to stink at all. It’s hard to tell for sure with Woody clamoring for attention TOO!! Not only do you have to wash your hands after touching him, you also have to change your clothes. It doesn’t exactly help with my laundry situation.

And Coffee, sweet little Coffee, is pregnant. Again. We really need to do something about this. But the puppies will be very good cattle dogs, a Kelpie/Catahoula mix.

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So, This Power Thing...

This power thing pretty much sucks. You know, since we've been turning off the generator during the day? I have to admit, I DO like the fact that there is no opportunity for the television to be on and the boys watching a movie whenever they feel like it. But other than that, honestly it makes me tired. And a person just sits and thinks about what they can't do with no power. Oh! I should do laundry...but I can't. Wash the dishes...but I can't. Argh.

When the power goes out, the house gets all dark. And HOT. Without electricity we have no fans, and there is usually not much of a breeze. It is stifling, and it's not even that hot out yet. A hot, dark house is exhausting. I don't stay inside all day, but it's very hot outside too. Especially at high noon, when the power's off.

Today, I made the boys pick up all the outside toys and I mowed the lawn. At noon. In the direct sun. And then, as if that wasn't enough, I raked the side yard, and then mowed that, even though it's mostly weeds and dirt. It was awesome. Just for something to do.

I have been reading a book during the power outages, but that makes me tired as well. It's also hard to really concentrate when two boys are running around.

And I guess the point of this whole thing? No one even knows if it will save any money. There are no gauges or valves on the diesel tanks that measure anything. There are no markings on the generator that indicate how much fuel it holds. We can't even begin to calculate the cost per day or per hour without knowing this basic information. To make matters worse, the diesel tanks also supply the ranch truck and the tractor, and there is currently no system in place for tracking anything to do with filling them up, and indeed no way to measure how many gallons are used for anything.

One thing we do know: if left running, the generator will usually run for around 33 hours before it runs out of fuel. Trust me, this we know. But that information is useless because we don't know the capacity of the tank. And I am frustrated with what I have come to call "Faux Math." Meaning, the slinging around of numbers/costs/monetary amounts that have no basis in actuality. CG does it just about every day, and folks on the ranch are wont to follow suit. Me? I need real numbers before I'll even pull out a piece of paper.

So, if you hear anyone say "a gallon an hour," it's probably an exaggeration. How could they possibly know? Does the generator have a 33 gallon tank? Your guess is as good as mine, but I'm guessing no. If you hear, "it would cost us each $120/month," who pulled that amount out of what? Catch my drift?

Number One doesn't know how much the tank holds. He's been advocating for a pump, which would measure the fuel, and auto-shut off valves (which would prevent diesel spills) for years. At this point we can't even figure out how much is going into the truck or the tractor OR the generator.

CG doesn't know how much the tank holds either. She told me that yesterday. But when she says something, people want to believe she knows what she's talking about because of her "years of experience." Or something. But if she doesn't have the fundamental number, tank capacity, she can't figure anything out either. She told me that, and I put my pencil and paper down. No use figuring anything if you don't know the basics. It's all guesswork, which amounts to a waste of time in my book. All she really knows is how much it costs her when she pays the fuel bill.

I understand that it's costing a lot, I just wish we had the facts so we could figure out the best way to save money. How many hours we would really need the generator turned off to make a significant dent in the fuel bill. If at all possible, without risking the food in our refrigerators and freezers in the process.

I still think we need to be investigating alternatives like solar. ABEG needs to get on that. Right after they finish our addition and figure out the water situation. There are priorities, after all.

ABEG Just Blew Us Off.

Number One and I have been trying to find out the results of our water test by any means necessary. In other words, we have asked anyone we could think of who might have seen them.

RH and Wifey didn't see them. CG said she sent her only copy to ABEG. CG's bookkeeper didn't keep a copy, but thought the water was only tested for e. coli and other bacteria. Well, that's not what we are smelling in the water, obviously. If that's the case, we definitely need more testing. We emailed ABEG and asked that they email us the results. First, ABEG said they hadn't received them.

Today, water results in hand, ABEG emailed us this response:

"I sent it back to CG so that she can show it you and discuss it with you. We are in the process of hiring an environmental consultant firm to handle the matter, so please coordinate any issues, concerns, or actions with CG who will coordinate with me.

I don't know what to say about this. It's great about the environmental consultant firm, as long as they start at the very beginning: The Well Pump. The Plumbing. Instead of jumping to the Environmental Disaster Conclusion.

But people around these parts don't seem to be very good at "coordinating." You know how it goes, A tells B and B tells C and before you know it, it's all twisted around and not at all what A originally said. And we don't like being kept out of the loop. Especially when it's our family, our boys, indeed our future, that could be most impacted.

Don't blow us off, ABEG. It doesn't suit you.

This Is Not The Time...

...to write a blog, perhaps. But I've been meaning to. So here goes.

We've been having issues with our well for a good week now. In a nutshell, the water smelled like fuel. You know, like some random petroleum product. Some people thought it smelled like diesel. I honestly didn't smell it that closely to be able to distinguish, but I knew the water started tasting bad, because I'd been drinking it. Thinking, huh, that's odd, where is that fuel smell coming from? I wish I were joking, but honestly, Number One does stuff with fuel everyday, so I just kind of thought the smell was coming from his laundry. Or something. But then I made him smell the water, and taste it, and it was gross. We decided.

So for a few days, there were ponderings about diesel contamination that didn't make sense:

No recent diesel spills; this has never happened before; CG's well water did not seem to smell (although it did not get tested); no recent rains (to raise the water table to reach the historical diesel spills, see how much we've been thinking about this); no big thaw yet this spring (see above). We were kind of freaking out, anticipating some sort of ABEG/State raid on our property to determine the Source of Contamination.

We sent off a water sample, which came back "clear" and added to our puzzlement. It just wasn't making sense. At our house, we've been using bottled water for everything, i.e. the kettle of water that we heat for making oatmeal then gets used to wet washcloths for washing faces. The only thing we do with our well water is flush the toilet.

Finally, I googled "water smells like fuel." And I found some things that indicated that perhaps it was a problem with our well pump. Pumps have some kind of oil in them (mineral or something that wouldn't show up as a contaminant) and if the pump started to leak oil, it would affect the water. And definitely, when we all stopped using water for 24 hours, the smell lessened. But when we ran a bunch of water to "leach" the system or whatever? Of course it got worse. So CG has gone off to buy a new well pump, hopefully to return today. We couldn't locate an internet source that would overnight a pump. WTF? Don't they understand there is kind of some urgency to this situation? Anyway, we could possibly have clean water by tomorrow! Or perhaps Friday? At any rate, we are hopeful.

However, if it's not one thing...

It Is Another. The plumbers came down to put in a new septic tank for one of the houses. Currently, their septic line (which has a nice break in the pipe, by the way) runs directly underneath our house. Trust me, it's bad enough when your own septic line has issues, but when you discover that it's someone else's septic line that is leaking someone else's sewage into your crawlspace? That is just a whole different kind of nasty. (that happened a few years ago. The current break is just a small hole, and thankfully it is outside of our house).

So anyway, the plumbers came down. I guess there was no other way around it, they tore out a cute little stand of young trees to put in their line. I'm upset about it.


And then, of course, the backhoe hit several power lines. Which now need to be fixed. The other day, in addition to being without potable water, we were also without power when Number One had to run and turn the generator off until they could figure out where the line came from, where it went, etc. The broken line has been taped up until we can get splicers and what-have-you to fix it properly. Whee.

And Now, Another! Our darn computer has been shutting down for no apparent reason, out of the blue. If that weren't annoying enough, last night it did it so much that we lost all of our bookmarks, web history, cache, and other things I don't even know to tell you. I'm trying to figure out how to fix it, but haven't had any luck yet. In the meantime, I have to a) try to remember web addresses for everything or b) Google everything I can't remember. Talk about a hassle! I couldn't access the "Live Chat" last night, and this morning I find out they aren't even available until 1:PM PST!!!

I can handle having no water and having to shower at CG's house and having to heat water in a pan on the stove to do dishes. I can handle eating off paper plates and bowls and using plastic cups and utensils (so I can use a smaller pan for dishwater). I can even handle being without electricity for a few hours every now and then. But having computer troubles that aren't an easy fix? That is when I have a problem.


Post Script: I have gotten most of the browser issues fixed. Still have to address the crashing problem itself. But I'm hopeful.

Cowgirls and Tractors and Four Wheelers, Oh My!

I have told you about things like this before. This is another one of those times. Let me set the scene:

• #1 and his brother are out pushing cattle, miles away.
• RH and Wifey are at their son's wedding in California.
• C.G. is laid up at her house with a broken foot.
• I am at the house, alone with two young boys, one of whom is sleeping.

I notice there are cows out. Everywhere.

Following is a synopsis of the IM conversation I have with C.G.:

Me: there are cows out! I don't know where they got out. if you can come sit in our house, I can put them in--Sawed-Off is still sleeping
Me: lots of cows! they are everywhere!

C.G.: We put a bunch back in when we came home from taking the truck. I don't know how they're getting out. Why don't you come up and get me and we can try to get them back in.

Me: I would but Sawed-Off is sleeping.
Me: I can't leave him alone here

{ME not realizing all of C.G.'s weekend guests have left, and her truck is down here.}

Me: I can try to do it myself with the four wheeler, I just need someone here in case Sawed-Off wakes up
Me: it looks like there is fence down in the orchard

C.G.: I don't have my truck here to come down.

Me: crap! I'll be right there.


I leave H-Bomb in the house with a sleeping Sawed-Off; "just stay in the house until Grammy gets here. I'll be right back."

I drive my jeep up to pick up Laid-Up C.G. She comes to sit with the kids. The cows have, in the meantime, found the hay.

The hay is a bit of an aside. We are running out. We had been feeding some 12 tons per day before shipping, and shipping ended up getting delayed a few days. The cows are used to getting fed hay, instead of scrounging around in the desert. In short, they've become lazy. They are wanting to be fed. Until they get pushed to their respective winter ranges, they will continue busting out all over the place. We can't have random cows eating all the hay when we still have other cows to feed.

C.G. decides the cows that are out have Bear Claw brands, so that means they need to be pushed back into the horse pasture. They have most likely busted out of the bottom of the horse pasture and come up the creek. From there, there is a weak spot in the fence, just a couple strands of smooth wire, between them and Freedom. C.G. suggests starting up the tractor: "maybe they'll think they're going to get fed and follow you."

I zoom out to the tractor and trailer on the four wheeler. I haven't driven the tractor in, oh, years. I try to start it. Can't. I circle around the cows on the four wheeler, trying to get them away from the hay at least, but they are hungry bitches. They don't budge. I race back to the house to ask C.G. how to start the tractor. I had forgotten one crucial step: make sure it's in neutral before you turn the key. Duh.

I race back and jump into the tractor, which thankfully starts right up. By now, the cows and horses in the horse pasture are crowding the gate, which means if I open it up to put the other cows in, they will bust out as well. That would be bad. I'm not even sure I can leave it open long enough to drive the tractor and trailer through there.

Think, cowgirl, think!

I put the tractor in gear, in low, and start it heading toward the gate. Those cattle around the hay don't bat an eyelash. In seconds, I decide what I have to do. I aim the tractor toward the gate, and bail out. That's right, I jump out of the moving tractor and Run As Fast As I Possibly Can in slip-on Keens to the four wheeler.

As I race the four wheeler around behind the cows, trying to push them off the hay and toward the tractor and ultimately the gate to the horse pasture, I realize with horror I have forgotten one little thing about our tractor. Just one, shall we say, minor detail.

And I don't know how to say it like a cowgirl or a rancher, so I'll just say it like a sailor: the tractor has a list. No, not a grocery list or a to-do list, I mean it veers sharply to the left.

Out in the vast fields, it isn't a big deal at all. Not much to run into. In among the buildings, it is a HUGE deal. As I make the first pass on the four wheeler behind the cows, I look up to see this:

The tractor listing sharply left, with the forks about three feet from the front side of ABEG's precious half a million dollar barn.

I say words that would impress both a sailor AND a rancher. I race toward the tractor on the four wheeler, jumping off the moving four wheeler with barely enough time to put it in neutral, climb into the tractor and grab the wheel, the tractor's forks just a foot or two from the $500,000 barn. I realize I said this twice. I need you to understand the severity of the situation. And tractors ain't cheap neither.

The trailer narrowly misses grazing the four wheeler. And I am not even exaggerating there; it passed less than a foot from the four wheeler.

And the cows? Still have not moved an inch from the luscious hay.

I park the tractor and turn it off. I opt for the four wheeler, which is much easier to control. I daren't open the gate, by now all the rest of the horses and cows have heard and seen the tractor coming! They are ALL crowding the gate, anticipating dinner.

There is a small gate that leads into a corral, then empties into the horse pasture. I decide that this, Obi-Wan, is my only hope. I open it, and pray the rest of the animals don't see me doing this. It's like an open invitation to the Hay Buffet.

Then I'm back on the four wheeler. These bitches are stubborn. They do not want to get off the hay, not one bit, thank you. My throat is sore from all the yelling, I kid you not. And there are awesome donuts and skid marks and huge clouds of dust all over the ranch. But by god, I got those cows in. It took me many passes and chasing cows back and forth and back again, but finally some of the cows went in. I wanted to count them through the gate, but it was getting dark and there were still more cows--as soon as I moved the first dozen or so off the hay and toward the little gate, the next bunch discovered the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet.

I could get them going toward the gate, but then they would bunch up in a little corner. Of course there are some fence posts and equipment or some crap piled up there, just close enough to the fence that I couldn't fit the four wheeler through there. And my dog, Mia, the guard dog, isn't quite fluent in the cowdog way. She helped me some, don't get me wrong, but a lot of the time she was in the wrong place, or just in the way. Luckily I didn't run over her with the four wheeler.

So, on it went, me racing around the cows, this way and that and and backwards and around in circles, chasing them away from the hay bales time and again, because those bitches just kept circling back. Whatever you say about cows, they know where the food is. Then chasing them around and around the buildings and the machinery and the trucks and the trailers and the equipment and the motor home and the boat and the what-have-you and getting off the four wheeler and running and then back on and finally through the little gate. I must have chased at least 30 cattle in this way, all by myself, before #1 and his brother came home.

I said, hoarsely, "I hope these bitches are supposed to be in the horse pasture, because that's where I put them."

#1 opened up the wood gate, and proceeded to let all the damn horses out. Just to make some extra work as the sky was darkening. He and his brother got the horses in, pushed in more cows. I raced around ranch headquarters, making sure there were no more stragglers, all the way up to C.G.'s house.

I don't know if you know this, but it is damn hard work driving a four wheeler around the way I did. I'm not kidding. And my throat hurts. But it was a hell of a lot of fun! And if you tell C.G. what I almost did to her barn and her tractor, I think I will have to hurt you.

Addition Progress!

I realized time has gotten away from me when it comes to posting pictures of our addition. Tons of progress has been made, and we find ourselves wishing that it would be completed all at once, rather than in Phase I this year and Phase II at some hopeful future date.

Since my last remodel post, the foundation has been poured:
The floor supports (so I don't know all the technical terms. so what??) were put in:

And the baseboards (another technical term, I'm sure):

And here is where it started to get exciting. The framing of the walls, with windows and doors. For those of you who aren't aware, #1 came up with the idea of extending our house out the back. I took the measurements we came up with, and designed the addition, opening it up to our existing house. So, this is My Very First House Design, and it is exciting and gratifying to see it coming to life.

This end will be the master suite (including bathroom and closets):


And this end, the dining room. In the middle, the new kitchen.



The trusses are going up now. Our roof line will change to accommodate the addition, as you can see.One glitch: the windows we chose have not yet been approved as far as the budget. With all the hemming and hawing, the bid didn't include the right window sizes. I'm not sure how much of a difference there was between the bid and the windows we want, but we are praying that ABEG will give us what we want. I'm not up for much more negotiation on this. I feel like we've already compromised enough.

Greedy Bastards

This ranch has been coveted by many many many different people, organizations and entities, most likely since the beginning of time. Indeed, when I got one of my first jobs, working for the association which supplies books to our area's national parks, it became crystally and frighteningly clear:

The National Park wants our Ranch.

The ranch is bordered by a National Park, henceforth known and referred to as Greedy Bastard National Park, or GBNP. At or shortly after the time GBNP came into existence, they took some of what had been the ranch property. I don't know when or how it came about or even how many acres they took, but they took them.

At a meeting with the superintendent, he pointed to a map on the wall, and proceeded to explain why the park "needs" to attain the ranch property. These Greedy Bastards will never stop campaigning and promoting their ideas until they get their way.

This morning, C.G. was down for coffee. She, #1 and I were talking about ABEG and some other things. I mentioned that when I went down to Greedy Bastard NP the other day to buy a map, the employees were circling around like a pack of hungry wolves: "I heard the lease extension was signed. Was it signed? How long is it for? Blah, blah, blah." Okay, to be honest it was just one ranger, but still that is one ranger too many to be sooooo interested in and giving me the third degree about the recent developments down here. I just said, "I guess I don't know."

I said to C.G., "so is the park still wanting this place, has ABEG mentioned anything recently?" And C.G. replied that on Friday, she got an email from ABEG, wanting to know when she would be coming to the Big City so they could discuss the issues of park expansion and a bit of development down here. So apparently this issue is not just in people's minds, it is in the Forefront of Negotiations. This is terrifying to us.

Those Greedy Bastards will keep pushing and pushing until ABEG caves. It appears to be only a matter of time. "Maintain a working cattle ranch," ABEG? Wasn't that your "goal" when you purchased this place? Please keep that in mind.

Too bad we didn't know about all this when the Governor was here.

We need to fight this, and fight it HARD. Who's with us? In the coming months, I'll let you know if there's anything you can do to help.

'ello, Guvnah

On Tuesday, we got a visit from the Governor of our fine state. I'm not sure how it came about, something to do with ABEG bigwigs, the USGS and some environmental guy who flew in from D.C. just to attend. Or so he said.

Anyway, H-Bomb, Sawed Off and I hurried home from preschool so we wouldn't miss lunch. (and then Sawed Off missed all of lunch anyway, fell asleep in the van on the way home). I had H-Bomb practice saying "Governor" all the way home. We had a delicious catered lunch, listened to some people talk, met the Governor, who said H-Bomb could call him "John" because that's easier to say.

It was fairly low-key and casual. Good food. ABEG promoting their World Domination Master Plan, and the Governor being practical and asking about first steps that could be taken now, bringing the focus back to our region, if not just the ranch, rather than the whole freakin' world.

I believe he is a good guy who asked some good questions. What does ABEG want from him? Take a guess. You are right: $$$$$
Freakin' ABEG. At least they paid for lunch.

Progress

Once ABEG was satisfied that Contractor was neither a terrorist or a supporter of terrorists...

(I'm not kidding, refer to section 14. CERTIFICATION REGARDING MATERIAL SUPPORT AND RESOURCES TO TERRORISTS. Well, you can't refer to it because I'm fairly certain the contract is not meant for public eyes)

...Phase I work on our house could begin. But trust me when I say, Contractor had to agree to this provision. This is an insane world in which we live, people. Even in this small town, where most likely the contractor has lived and worked for his entire life, and indeed has completed projects for ABEG in the past, he had to swear on a stack of Books of Mormon, probably, that he is not and does not support the crazies. While I also share concern about terrorists, I find this oddly amusing.

Regardless, work has begun. There is a huge gaping hole behind our house, ready for concrete footings and foundation to be poured sometime next week. It is exciting. They encountered a couple mystery pipelines while digging, but nothing important was broken in the excavation process.

Phase I entails basically the foundation and exterior of our addition, with windows, doors and a new roof on the entire house. (the interior will be Phase II) Sixteen feet back is the absolute farthest we could take our addition, and while it's not humongous, it will just about double our current living space. It will give us a master suite (complete with two separate closets and bath), kitchen and dining room. I think besides the master suite--our king size bed will actually FIT!!--I am most excited about the kitchen. It will be a real kitchen with a bar, an island, and counter space galore. We will have storage room to spare! It will be like a miracle.

Oh I cannot wait for Phase II to begin.

Howdy! (Some Background Info)

I live on an actual cattle ranch in the middle of nowhere. (Yeah, right, you say, the middle of nowhere. Everyone says that. Well, I really do). The nearest town is over 30 miles in one direction. The next town in the other direction is 60 miles. Our nearest neighbors are 15 miles away. We generate our own electricity with a diesel generator. We have no telephone, and there is not a cell phone service in the land that works down here. We are in the desert, surrounded by red rocks and cacti and sagebrush, in the foothills of mountains in which we run cattle during the summer. The silence can be deafening.

I live here with my husband, a cowboy born and raised, (AKA Husband #1, or just “#1”), our two sons, little cowboys in the making, “H-Bomb,” age 4, and “Sawed-Off,” age 1-1/2, and some ranch employees and animals. This ranch was purchased by Husband #1’s Mormon grandfather, then came to #1’s dad and mom. After the divorce, it was sold to A Big Environmental Group (from here on out, referred to as simply “ABEG”). The whole sale of the thing saddens us for various reasons, mainly because our little cowboys have no guaranteed future here. Indeed, even our future here is in question at the moment. But this will be addressed in future blogs, I’m sure. It’s always coming up.

So we live here with my husband’s mom, who is about ready to retire. There is also a ranch hand (pushing 60, yet just learning the ropes) and his wife. (I’m name them all as I blog about them)

As for the animals, we have a-plenty. Countless cows and horses, of course. We also currently have 4 working dogs, 2 older Cattahoula pups (will start work next year) and 3 little puppies (just born in July). We have a house kitten, a female outdoor cat and two male outdoor cats, and a roaming barn-ish female cat who visits the house occasionally. (We need cats on account of the mice). That makes 14 animals in and around the house. That is too many. But, that’s what we’ve got.

The practicalities:

- We have to drive 10 miles one way to get a cell signal. Sometimes further.
- We have to haul our garbage to town, almost 70 miles round trip.
- Town is also where we pick up our mail and buy groceries.
- The “good” grocery store is 60 miles away (120 round trip). The nearest mall? Three hours. One way.
- The nearest Costco, four hours one way. Same for Target, Home Depot, you name it.
- When I worked, before I was a mom, I commuted 120 miles per day.
- We have satellite television, and temperamental satellite internet.
- That should give you a good start to understanding our lives…

The schedule and whatnot:
- I have two little boys. There will be no regular blog schedule, just when I have time. Hopefully more often than not.
- I plan to be honest, and hopefully no one gets offended. No guarantees, the disclaimer is: I’m not here to please anyone else.
- I reserve the right to delete comments if I don’t like ‘em.
- That’s all.