It never fails. Not ever. As soon as I am alone on the ranch with H-Bomb and Sawed Off, a whole bunch of animals bust out of wherever they're supposed to be. I swear.
This morning, #1 and C.G. left at 5:30am. Thankfully, I was able to go back to sleep, but not before H-Bomb crawled into bed with me, and Bitty, our little kitten, did too. So it was H-Bomb, me, Sawed Off and Bitty, all snuggled up until after 7:am. Which is a good thing because despite the crowding, it was cold this morning and the 2nd heater isn't lit yet.
So, I wake up, get the last cup of coffee out of the lukewarm pot (can't make a new one until I run vinegar through it, it's been s l o w lately). The boys wake up too. Bitty wants outside.
A truck drives in. I go to the window to see if it's Contractor, but it's not. As the truck is driving around to leave, I see Them: Cows. Out.
Today, the cows got out of the horse pasture. There's only one way they can get out, and that's through the gate. Now I have a quick, internal debate. Sawed Off, who always wakes up first, is already well into a bowl of oatmeal. H-Bomb has just decided he's hungry, and he wants Dinosaur oatmeal, the kind you have to boil water for. I decide I need to go get those cows in before they scatter. I pretend to put the water on, but don't turn on the burner. Rather than take the time to get the boys ready, I decide to leave them in the house.
I get into the jeep, drive down to the barn, check out where the cows are. Of course from where I am, they are backed into a corner. It's a good thing that Mia, the guardian of our house and family, is an aspiring cow dog. But at first she doesn't understand which way I want the cows to go. I have to drive all the way around the long shed to get the cows moving, hoping hoping that they don't get smart and just run around the other end to freedom and our yard. I drive toward them, then sick Mia on them. The thing about an aspiring cow dog? More often than not, they just Chase. They don't Herd or Guide or Walk with the cattle. So I have to hurry. Which is why I've got my jeep this morning.
By the time I race the jeep around the long shed, the first cows are going straight through the gate. Thank goodness. Luckily they all just ran right in there. I get to the gate, and guess what? It closes with a carabiner type thing on a chain. So, a cow can't get a carabiner undone. So that means that 1. someone didn't latch the carabiner or 2. someone just stuck the chain in the catch thingy without latching it or what all this actually means is, 3. someone left the gate open.
(I get back to the house, and the boys are right where I left them, Sawed Off eating his oatmeal and H-Bomb sitting patiently beside him. I think it's gonna be a good day.)
And now this reminds me of a very funny story. At least I think it's funny.
This time, I was alone with the boys, but Wifey was here too. A bunch of horses got out. I ran around chasing those horses for a good 15 minutes, not to mention driving my jeep up and down the lawn, before Wifey came out of her house. I had the boys in my jeep, parked it strategically to steer the horses, took the key out and told them to stay put. I asked Wifey to stand, right there, just to the right of the gate, which would form a natural barrier and guide the horses through the gate. I told her if the horses tried to get past her, just stand there and raise her arms and yell at them.
I got around behind the horses, got them headed straight for the gate. My plan was working perfectly. Suddenly, one horse peels off the herd and tries to get around Wifey. I yell, "RAISE YOUR ARMS, WIFEY!!!!"
And what does she do? She puts her arms down and RUNS AS FAST AS SHE CAN in the other direction. And so do all the horses. I could almost hear H-Bomb, quoting me as he sat in the jeep, "Jesus." Hey, at least he uses it in context.
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