The Limitations of Satellite Internet...

Before I came down to the ranch, #1 and C.G. just bought movies to watch all the time. There was no television. For those of you who don't know, we live 35 miles away from the nearest town. We generate our own electricity (because we have to) and there is no telephone service. To get a decent cell phone signal, you have to drive 10 miles, one way, and pray for a cloudless sky.

When #1 and I started dating, I would record my favorite television shows and bring them down to watch at the ranch. I described the wonders of satellite television, and HBO. Before we knew it, C.G. had a dish on her roof. #1 and I would go up to her house at night to snuggle in and watch Sex & The City (gave C.G. an education to boot!), Friends, The Sopranos, whatever else happened to be on that we liked.

Before H-Bomb was born, we got our own dish so I didn't have to suffer through the million-degree temperatures upstairs at C.G.'s house.

A few years later, we started talking about Satellite Internet. You see, here on the ranch, being so far from everywhere, you really have to plan ahead. You have to be prepared. You never know what is going to break next and need immediate attention (read: parts). C.G. was forever driving off to the Big City (five hours away) to get something. It took a LOT of talking and convincing and we had to get several supporters (C.G.'s brother, a doctor friend, etc.) to make C.G. realize she couldn't live without this Internet business.

So now we have Satellite Internet. Have had it for almost two years now, and it is great. Has saved everyone a lot of driving, although I honestly can't say it has saved ANYONE any money--Internet shopping is too convenient--helps us keep in touch with The Outside World, that kind of thing.

Recently, we've been having troubles with download speed, even accessing web pages was interminably slow. Couldn't figure it out, but suspected it had something to do with RanchHand and Wifey--they have been downloading movies, entire movies, from Netflix--but we couldn't be sure they were the cause. And yesterday, RH said, "I've discovered YouTube!"

We had a satellite guy down here last week, to move the dish from the roof to the wall of the house, because we are getting a new roof any day now. While he was working, both C.G. and Wifey came up to him separately to ask questions. He walked in and asked me how many computers are on the system, and recommended that we upgrade to handle the traffic. Which I plan to do, as soon as I can drive up and make a stupid phone call, because you can't upgrade online. Ridiculous.

By default, I am the Network Administrator of this place, because I know the most about computers. And I was the loudest "let's get the Internet" advocate on the ranch. So, I now have a job.

And today, my job was to get down to the bottom of: Why The Hell It Takes For-Freakin-Ever To Get To A Damn Website, If You Get There At All.

I discovered that our provider has a policy that they call: Fair Access. In essence, this seems to exist to ensure that people don't monopolize the satellite system. I thought, well, that's a good idea. Now I just have to figure out who's monopolizing OUR system. But I kept reading. The Fair Access Policy ensures that individual satellite systems don't monopolize the entire system. In other words, there were restrictions placed on OUR system because of excessive downloading that had the power to impact OTHER USERS. That is some serious business. Who does that much downloading?? This is an explanation of the policy rational, in part:

"service usage data indicates that a small percentage of subscribers are responsible for a disproportionate amount of the total service traffic."

It does make sense. I asked #1 to talk to RH this morning. I said that I needed to take a look at his computer (Wifey is out of town) to make sure he didn't have programs running that he wasn't aware of, didn't have a virus, things like that. RH came over and said, "Yeah, Wifey does all that. No need to see the computer." And then he left.

Now, Wifey does NOT do all that. I have had to coach her through everything from attaching a document to an email, to actually getting online ever since she brought home their first computer. Yes, I said first computer. As a matter of fact, last I knew Wifey hadn't even forwarded the recipe exchange email I sent her because she didn't know how to cut and paste.

So, nothing against Wifey at all, she's part of the older generation that didn't have computers in school. That being said, Wifey don't know much. Especially if there is a problem. That could be affecting the system.

I told #1 what RH said, about him not wanting me to see the computer.

#1 simply said, "Porn."

Aha. Wifey's been gone for days. Who knows, anything could happen. I'm not judging. I'm just saying, as the Network Administrator, I need to see what's up. NastyHighSchoolCheerleaders.com or no.

I did some more looking at things that could be causing our restrictions. Could be causing us to download almost 200MB per hour--that is a LOT of MB. I'm not sure what our download threshold is, but I sure as hell know 200MB exceeds it.

In the top position on the list? Full-length movie download. The third item on the list? Continuous downloading or viewing streaming media content such as audio or video programming. In other words, NetFlix and YouTube are in the top three.

I started a virus scan on our computer, just to be safe. I went up and got C.G.'s computer to make sure her virus protection is up-to-date. Then I walked right out to RH and I said: "I need to get a virus scan started on your computer." He walked right in with me and got the computer out. He said, "I've been watching YouTube instead of watching TV." Huh, think that could affect our system??

Now, all I have to do is figure out how to change the darn password to get online, just in case. You never know when you're going to have to block someone from accessing the Internet. Climbers? Tourists? Who knows. In almost two years, many people know our password by now. It could have gotten around. I also am looking for a way to see if there are other computers accessing our system, besides the ones on the ranch. Tourists beware if I find a way and I find you stealing our internet.

Checking our usage statistics, we have been restricted eight of the last eleven days. That is inconceivable to me. And maddening.

I just hope our service doesn't get terminated, which is an honest-to-god possible consequence of excessive downloading and frequently exceeding the download threshold.

Because if that happened, The Shit Would Hit The Fan.

This is My Lifeline To Civilization we're talking about.

You don't mess with it. Or I Will Mess With You.