22 Reasons You Should Just Stay HOME Today:

1. H-Bomb complains of a sore throat, but says it feels better after a swig of tea.
2. H-Bomb complains of feeling "sick," but can't/won't list specific symptoms, so School Day it is.
   
3. Contractor shows up at 11:AM (exactly the last moment at which you can leave and still make it to school on time) with lots of questions about door locations, suggesting it should go in the middle of a significant wall, and wants the pantry completely cleaned out. This makes you very late, and you start driving fast.
4. You pass a car that is going too slow.
   
5. Three miles down the road, something happens and the jeep makes a LOUD knocking sort of sound that you believe might be the muffler.
   
6. Upon inspection, it's not the muffler, and nothing seems to be wrong with the undercarriage at all.
7. Drive a bit more, still the same sound, duh, so you stop again.
   
8. Upon further inspection, you discover a rear TIRE has blown out. You know, like you see those random pieces of tread from semi trucks lying on the highway, and you wonder how the trucks can keep going. THAT kind of blow-out, but most of your tread is still loosely attached to the tire. Hence the knocking sound.
   
9. While you are out looking under the jeep, the car you just passed a couple miles back just drives right on by.
   
10. You turn around to head back home, because any distance closer is better than just getting out and walking with two young boys.
11. A tourist stops and asks if you need help. You send him after your husband, telling him to bring the van, describing where the ranch is and explaining, "No, there's not a sign."
12. You keep driving s l o w l y in 1st gear toward the ranch, and watch the tourist do a couple unsure back-and-forths in the long drive before finally deciding he's headed the right way.
13. You just keep driving at a snail's pace.
14. You see the tourist's car leaving, but notice that the van is still parked by the bunkhouse.
15. You keep driving at a snail's pace, getting annoyed that the van is still parked by the bunkhouse.
16. You make it to the driveway, even more annoyed that there is no sign of movement in the vicinity of the van. You tell the boys you hope you can make it all the way home.
17. The tire finally gives out just past the corrals. You honk and honk in frustration that The Van is Still Sitting There. You get the boys out and run, still planning on getting to school. Late, but getting there.
18. You and the boys run all the way home. You run into Number One, who informs you that the van battery is dead.
19. By that time, Kindergarten has started in town. You decide that since H-Bomb would likely miss more than half of the school day by the time you could possibly get there, it's a stay-at-home day after all.
20. You email the teacher.
    
21. You start cleaning out the pantry and deciding where the hell to put the new pantry door.
22. You're just not feeling very graceful about all this.