Those of you who actually know me have already heard all this before. FedEx Ground REFUSES to deliver to our remote location. This continually frustrates me, to the point where I try not to do business with people who only ship FedEx. Sometimes, I don't have a choice. I am frustrated when companies list their shipping carriers (UPS, FedEx, USPS) and don't give you an option to choose. Sometimes I am able to send them an email to request a specific carrier. But sometimes, if a company has used a specific carrier, say USPS, to ship to me in the past, I forget I need to request that they NOT use FedEx under any circumstances.
I ordered pirate birthday supplies for H-Bomb's upcoming 5th birthday. I figured I should order them now because we will be out of town in the beginning of his birthday month, and I like to plan ahead. Good thing.
My package is currently somewhere between here and the next state. Or two. I have been tracking it online, and yesterday it was "On FedEx vehicle for delivery." That made me laugh, right, "delivery." For some reason, we live in FedEx No-Man's Land.
I'm sure you've heard of FedEx No-Man's Land. It's apparently everywhere around the nation, various locations to which FedEx Ground Will. Not. Deliver. I have spoken to FedEx reps in the two states closest to us. Let me explain.
The two nearest towns are only 54 miles apart. However, we live 60 miles from the North town (NT), and 35 miles from the South town (ST). Picture a straight vertical line between the towns, with a curvy 20 mile line heading East from there. That's where we live. Technically, according to FedEx Ground, we live "too far South of NT" and also "too far North of ST" for them to deliver packages to us. Excuse me? Oh, I forgot, we do indeed live in FedEx No Man's Land.
Historically, we have had to track down and physically DISCOVER where FedEx Ground has left our packages in random locations around town. Sometimes, our packages are given to the post office. UPS has told me that the FedEx drivers spend their OWN money to get the packages into our post office boxes. Once, I was tracking my new Kitchenaid mixer shipment, and someone named "B. Swanson" signed for it. WHO?? Luckily, "B. Swanson" has perfect penmanship, and CG's bookkeeper is in the know, and said, "Isn't that so-and-so at the pharmacy?" It was.
Other times, the packages are transferred and re-routed from one state to the next, in a circle around our state. You think I'm joking, but I'm not. Sometimes we get a postcard in the mail a week later: "your package is at the FedEx facility in [insert random state name here]." Sometimes, packages are delivered to CG's bookkeeper's house, and usually have been scribbled on in permanent marker: "Do NOT deliver to the ranch!" I'm not kidding here either. And occasionally, packages are simply returned to sender. This whole process generally takes a month. You would think people would get tired of it. I know I am.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some pirate booty to track down.
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